I'm realistic and narcissistic, you say I'm selfish and absurd.

the picture is from Friday, before I took off to Cecil's place. I love my dress, I wore it on New Years Eve. it's a pretty cool dress. OH, and I miss my labret. like, really, really much. I can't wait to get it again, I look like a complete tard right at the moment.

so I pulled an allnighter yesterday, and went to bed at around 8:30 AM. pretty bad.. but actually, I haven't slept my entire day away, surprisingly. I have no idea what I've used all my time on, online. oh yeah, pretty embarassing... I listened and watched a lot of music videos from a band I used to love when I was like.. 11 or 12. I think I was 12 when I stopped listening to them.. and I was 10 when I started listening to them. pretty (actually a lot) embarassing, but Good Charlotte, AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAH. lemme just die nao pl0x. yeah, I used to be a huge fan of them, but now I just think they're ridiculous and bad music. hahaha. sorry. :'D but it was weird listening to all that music. a lot of memories came up, from when I thought I was so HXC and punk, HAHAHAHH. I completely failed. black tears and shit. I facepalm at the thought of myself back then. I only wore black clothing and thought Black No 1 was the shit, and had black, flat hair. not something that flattered me, to be honest, I looked so disgusting. imagine an emaciated dwarf with black clothing and really pale skin, acne and flat hair.. fuck my life, hahahahahaha. I can't believe I looked like that. I'm glad I got over it, and that I don't have any pictures from that era. I remember listening to The Young And The Hopeless and thinking "THIS IS MY LIFE", ahahahahahahhaha. now, I just facepalm at the thought of it. but it's funny listening to old music. also jrock. I find it entertaining, because I'm over those phases. now, I'm more into screamo and rock in general, but I guess I'll look back someday and facepalm over that, too.

I've been to the psychiatrist today, and I didn't really get anything out of it. it was pretty much just a sum-up, of how I've felt. but I didn't tell him about my suicide thoughts or anything, which I guess is pretty stupid, but I really don't like him. he tells everybody I know that he don't believe that I for example suffer from schizophrenia. he has said the same thing to everyone from my recidensy, so I don't believe him, but I think it's some sort of weird technique he's using.

and then I've hung out with Laura all evening, featuring Emma and Jonas at some points. Emma didn't feel well, so she left after a while. then Jonas came in, and we just sat there talking about music and shit for a long time, it was pretty cozy. he's a cool guy, and I can sense that we might become good friends in time. we also watched some Unicorn Planet, haha!

tomorrow, I'm going to get pierced again, just the missing labret. it just sucks having to pay for a piercing you pretty much already have, but not really, because it's grown together already. SUCKS BAWLZ. but I'm taking Emma and Laura with me, since they're both ditching school tomorrow, since they're both feeling sick, like me. can't wait to get that needle through my skin, whoopah!