but I can change, my cocoon shedding.

so these days have been okay. I'm going crazy about one thing, that completely shatters my mind, and it's horrifying. I can't think straight because of it, and I've talked with some friends about it, and I've written a slightly angry entry on Girlfriend/boyfriend.dk about it. bt not everyone seems to get it. I'll write about that later.

but yeah, the past few days have been good, besides that. Saturday, I woke up at my mum's place, and got ready to meet up with Laura and David. I love hanging out with those guys, even though they can make me feel rather lonely from time to time, because they're always cuddling. third wheel much, eh?
we went to this little café I've mentioned previously, "Big Apple", to buy cupcakes. but there was NONE. they had all been sold. ): too bad, they're like... really, really good. and cute. I want them, right now! ): buh. but anyway, I bought a chicken sandwich, and a juice, while Laura bought a muffin and David bought both. the sandwich was really delicious, btw. OMG, I'm so boring, I know!
then David went to visit his friends, while Laura and I headed home. we just chillaxed at our residency, and made nothing, really. just had fun, ate some dinner. David had told us he would come over later, which, in the night, caused a lot of drama.

then we decided to get drunk, and went looking for peepz to drink with us. but we ended up, just the two of us, since we also wanted to talk about private stuff. bought some vodka, and drank the rest of our Malibu, and some ciders. we couldn't get the ciders open, because it wasn't twist off-caps.. so we tried the weirdest ways ever, including a radiator. it didn't work out. so we found a can-opener, and after a lot of die-hard-tryings, we got them open, hahahah.
but yeah... we both ended up pretty wasted. I think she was. and I was, oh boy, I was. but we had some deep talks, when we were surprisingly drunk. we talked for... forever, about genders, and how I felt and how she saw me. it was nice, and she completely got me. I think. and she made some really great points, too. I love talking with her, about deeper stuff and random things too. but she really puts her soul in it, when we're talking about serious subjects.
I btw got the most rude thing ever slapped in my face, by a guy I've only talked with once, can't even remember what he looks like. but Laura had been at David's friend's place, where he also was, and she mentioned me briefly. he simply responded "oh yeah, Ditte, that dyke?". Laura tried to explain to him that I am into all genders, but he kept calling me a dyke, and that you definitely could see it on me, that I'm also into girls. and because I've slept with girls, he claimed that I am a "dyke". I got fucking pissed when Laura told me about that conversation. I'm not "just a dyke". I am so much more than that. and I'm into all genders, so I'm not even lesbian, as he claimed, with his degrading words. "dyke". fuck off, don't even call me that, you don't know who I am. I got furious at one point.

then there was some drama between David and Laura. I don't really want to say what happened, because.. I just don't. hahah. but they're cool again, luckily.

I slept all Sunday away, because I was hangovered. then today, Monday, I went to my mum's place, where I still am. it's been really nice, and we ate cake, hahaha. fat kitty. but I've had a lovely evening.

I've started writing with a girl.. and she's really sweet, understanding and interesting. but she lives in Jutland. but she's just so cute.

and about the thing I wrote about earlier.. it's the usual, gender-issues. I wrote a really long post about it, but I decided to delete it all. and I feel like crying, like I'm hiding a dirty secret, and I really need someone to talk to, who would understand me. I am not so sure about who I am anymore, it's like my identity is vanishing, step by step. and it sucks, really. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to Jamie, because I have a feeling that he might understand me. but I feel like, if I tried to tell him, I wouldn't know what to say, because of all the thoughts inside my head. I'm writing briefly with Cecil about it right now... but Jamie, if you see this and I haven't contacted you, please write to me, okay?