you'll be sorry when I'm gone.

it sucks that I have no curves whatsoever sometimes, because I look like a boy forced into a dress when I'm wearing one. fail at fucking life, oh god. but I'm absolutely adoring this dress, it's so beautiful and lovely. I'd like my room to be a mix between a boy's room and a girl's room, like naked chicks on my walls, and rococo pictures hanging. it would be nice. I'm borrowing a table from Nanna soon, because I don't have one, and she doesn't really want hers anymore. it's pretty funky, it has all this kind of crap written all over it.. like, there's a sentence that just contains the words "sex sex sex sex sex sex SEX". hahahahahah, Nanna is great.

SORRY YOUR NOT---..... a winnaaaaaaaarh. eh..

to be honest, I'm just writing here because I have nothing else to do, and I don't want to cut myself. it's been a week since the last time I did it, and I kinda don't want to do it again. but on the other hand, I want it so much. it's really painful. I'll just try to handle it.

I've drawn a picture for Jamie, a picture of us kissing. I want to hand it to him when he comes home from Egypt, it'll probably make him happy, even though the drawing sucks ass. I just made it quickly, because I didn't even have an eraser or a pen. I used the new moomin colors my mother brought along with her. (:

it's hard not to do this to myself. harder than you could imagine. but if I do it to myself tonight, it's okay, because at least I haven't done it in a week, and that's a start. maybe after I've hurt myself, it might be 2 more weeks. hopefully, there will be more and more time between. it's hard just to ignore it completely.