that was right, staple the eyes and seven dates for me to sell machines and tear on.

so I modeled for Emilia yesterday, and this is how it ended up looking like. I am far from pleased with the result. I really don't like it, so.. we wanted to androgynous pictures, and that did actually work out pretty well. there were some shot where you were all "WTF IS THAT!?", so mission accomplished. but I look dead on most of the pictures, and I don't really like the model, haha. but Emilia was so awesome! she was really professional, and the work she did was amazing. I'm sure she'll become a real photographer one day. she goes to this school called KUBA, studying photography. it's really cool.

anyway, I'm just gonna tell you guys about what I've been doing since the last time I wrote.

Saturday, I went out partying again, this time at Club Christopher together with Anna and her friend Mathilde. it was an awesome night, but I got way out of hand drunk, it was pretty wild. I ended up in fucking Glostrup, I mean, really, Glostrup two days in a row? wtf. but it wasn't even my intention to end up there, and I have no idea why we took a bus and wherefrom we actually took the bus, and I have no idea why we stopped in Glostrup, thinking "THIS IS WHERE OUR STOP IS!", I swear to whatever deity there is, I have really no idea. and we had no idea how to come home from Glostrup, and apparently, we traveled illegally, since I had no tickets. I have no fucking idea, I don't think I have ever been this drunk before. but it was a nice night. even though Anna puked on my pants, which were FUCKING nasty. so now, I just call her "Pukie".

sunday, I hung out with Emilia, eating the best hung-over dinner ever; sushi. it was so cozy and nice! even though the restaurant suddenly played "jingle bells", really random. but yeah, I had a pretty good time with her. :D
then monday, I modeled for her, and then after that, I don't really remember what I did. I think I hung out with Nanna and Laura. those girls are amazing, I have so much fun tiemz going on with them.

then today, I hung out with a girl named Alessia at the airport, it was pretty nice. I have a feeling that she might have a crush on me, actually, which is not really what I intended. I'm far away from wanting a relationship right now, but I end up flirting with a lot of people anyway.. I don't know why I do it, and I'm such a douchebag for doing so. and I really hate myself for doing it. that's why, next weekend, I'm not going out partying or anything, because lately it has just been a new girl each time I'm out, which I actually don't want to.. it's just hard to say no when a girl comes over with a drink in her hand, and she's really hitting on you. I don't know how to say no.
so I'm just going to spend some time together with Laura and her boyfriend next weekend, Friday to be more exact, watching Star Wars. it's actually what I need. I need space, and I don't need random sex right now. I need to be me, and get over Jamie. but we're still really great friends, and I can feel that I'm getting better everyday, everytime we talk.
that's also one of the reasons why I'm thinking about taking a break from girlfriend.dk, because I get hit on all the time by people. it's flattering, but I don't need anything right at the moment.

last time I wrote, I talked a bit about suicide. I'm still considering it, but I really appreciate my best friend opinion, and it really hit me hard in her last comment. I love her honesty, and she was brutally honest in that comment. it could have hurt me, but it didn't. so thank you, Cecil, for that comment.
I wish I could get away from being me. change, and not be such a complete douchebag like I am. I know I'm a sweet person, but the thing I do with girls is just not right, and I feel like a complete idiot for being like that. so maybe if I just chillax this weekend, I can get past that.
but it doesn't change the fact that I sometimes want to die.