I'm told to carry on.

the picture is from this summer, but what the hell, I actually kind of like it. and also because I miss having long hair. I'm okay with my hair right at the moment, but I miss having longer hair actually. not extensions-long, but just shoulder length, in a way it could still look androgynous. I miss it. I didn't like my previous haircut, simply because it had no shape at all. this time, I want my hair to grow out, and get longer. now I've tried short hair, and I can always turn back to that if I don't like it long. and when I say "long hair", I don't mean it as in a girly way, but in a "boy" shape.
I think it's ridiculous that we've grown up with "girl hairdo's" and "guy hairdo's", just as well as toys, colors and clothing. I think, if you gave a guy a Barbie doll from infant, he would play just as much with it as a girl would. the same if you gave a girl a light saber.
I fucking hate the ways we've grown up, told "this is something boys do", and "you can't like pink, it's a girl color". it's fucking ridiculous, and it makes the previous generation look like crap. if I were ever to have a baby, I would give it a unisex name, dress it in both boy and girl's clothing, and give them whatever toy they wanted. yeah.. I'm just tired of the "demandments" you meet as a girl/boy, and if you're slightly flamboyant or a tomboy, you'll get bullied and told you're wrong. it's fucking nasty. ARGH, I GOT MY RAGE ON RIGHT NOW.

Saturday, I went partying with Laura and David, and I had a really great time. the party was thrown in Roskilde, so it cost a lot of bucks, which sucked. but to make it better, it was an open, free bar. pretty awesome, huh, and there were SO MUCH BOOZE, like omg. it was completely insane. but I drank a lot... I got tipsy after only one drink, because I had mixed it up half-n-half with vodka. but it didn't stop me from drinking even more. I remember giving and getting a lot of body tequila's with Laura, which was pretty awesome. also got to dance a lot, to music I don't like, like Panic At The Disco, hahahahahahaha. I die on the inside. but I had a lot of fun.
but as always, I ended up doing something I really regretted the day after.. I thought I had learned from my mistakes, but apparently not. so I've promised Laura that the next four weekends, I won't go to any parties or go out clubbing. the nights I'm home, she has promised to watch over me and keep me entertained, which is really, really sweet. I feel so cared for, which is just pure love. I love her dearly.

and next weekend, I'm going to visit Cecil, my best friend, which is going to be AWESOME! I really can't wait. it's been 100+ years since I saw her the last time, and I can't really get that out of my head. it's horrible. and I'm going to see her for money I really don't have, since it's my tattoo savings I'm using... I hope my mum will donate some monayz, that would be really sweet of her. but idk, fat chance.
we're going to game, game and game, I think. just chillaxing and have random inside jokes as always. I love her to the very bone, she is an amazing person and I don't tell her that so often anymore.. but she really is. she is completely honest, sometimes too honest/sarcastic, but I shrug it off, because I know she's right anyways. but I do love her to pieces, and she's really someone I can't live without. I wuv you, my homeboy. <3

today hasn't been special at all. I made dinner for the rest of my recidensy, and then I went to the cinema with Nanna. we watched Devil, and at a point I was so freaked out, I sat halfway down the seat. but it was a good movie, not the best, but definitely freak-out-worthy. I had a really great time.
and now, my throat hurts. ): it's annoying. tomorrow, I'm going to the cinema again with my sister this time, and we're gonna watch Black Swan. I'm looking much forward to it, since it's about ballerinas, and I have a thing for ballerinas. idk why, but I find them completely "JEG KU' GODT"-worthy. so it's going to be awesome, hopefully. and then we're gonna have lunch at Phenix, which also is awesome. I really can't wait, I just want it to be NOW!

Jamie is in Austria right now, and I can't help but feel a bit sad. I know I'm not supposed to miss him, but I do. and it sucks really bad. I'm not even sure if he misses me, I'm just one of his friends now. it's okay, and I like it this way too, but I can't help but feel like I'm not over him. it's pretty sad, but I don't think I'll ever meet a person who could live up to his level, as in a relationship. and that sucks balls. I'll probably fall in love again someday, and that's okay with me, but I'm really scared that it won't be as good as it was when I was with him.. it really fucking scares me. I think I might still be in love with him, which is why I try to keep myself away from sex right at the moment. but I've used sex as my way of getting over him, but it doesn't help, really. it just messed my head up even more and made me feel guilty, even though we're not together. at first, I thought it helped, but it really didn't and now I regret the sex I've had with random people. I just wish I could turn it all back, the old feelings he had, and just be there with him. I doubt that I'll ever find someone like him, who could understand me that good, have the same likings and the same "past". and it really fucking breaks me.

I'm told to carry on...