swallow your pride.

sometimes when I look at pictures of myself, I realize how many piercings I actually have. it's kind of weird. like, I think "omg, wtf, that's so.. weird." that's how I feel when I look at this picture. and yes, I do know that I look like shit, but wth, it's just my blog.

I've come to some conclusions;
I need to stop hurting myself. I've thought a lot about it, and now I'm at that point where I really sincerely just want to stop doing it. it'll be hard, but I want to try it out. not only for my own sake, but also the sake of others. I know I have hurt a lot of people around me by doing this to myself, and I don't want that anymore. not that I ever wanted that, believe me, I didn't. but right now, I just feel like.. I actually want to give it a shot and give it up for good. just quit. stop getting more and more nasty scars. I see the beauty in scars, the story behind. but I also see the surface and the ugliness. I don't think anyone would ever date me if they saw them.. not that I'm searching for any dates at all, I really don't. I still just want Jamie. it just sucks that I'm still so deeply in love with him.

I also need to stop smoking. or just cut down on some fags a day, since I smoke too much.

but anyway... my day has been kind of boring, but I went out and ate with my mom, which was really nice. I got soooo full. as of lately, I haven't really been eating anything, only one meal a day. today too. but I simply can't eat big portions of food anymore. ): I get full just by the smallest things.
the next few days will also be boring, my only plans are that I'm going to visit Anna.

No one ever said that life was fair, and I'm not saying that it should be
So knowing that you are where you want to be, and I'm not, comes as no surprise
But don't expect me to be happy for you
And don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too
I don't want your pity
I hate your pity