no matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered life, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born to survive.

long time no see! I haven't written in here for realz in, what, 2 weeks, since shit has gone down for that amount of time. but I consider it over now. I've realized some things, what to do and what not to do. the thing was, that I couldn't cope with the fact that I'm transgendered and gradually with gaining weight, I was suddenly so conscious about my figure. I've lost a few kgs during the 2 weeks I haven't written, but in a really unhealthy way - I was starving myself, and self-induced vomiting was also something I did daily. exercised waaay to much, and ate too little. and when I did eat, I purged.
but today, I woke up, and thought; "this can't be real. I won't get an eating disorder again. I will fight to get out of it", and looked up frightening stories, and worst-case-scenarios. and that, I must say, really helped. I found this article with very graphic pictures, about a girl who suffered from both anorexia and bulimia. she had eaten 5 liters of food (!), and when she purged, her stomach split open, causing her to die. that story really stuck to me, and when I think about not eating and when I have eaten and I feel like making myself sick, I think about her and her story.
so now, I'm not going to listen to the voices inside my head, but do it as healthily as possible. it's going to be hard, not listening to the voices, but better do it now, than when I had been too gone inside my own little world.
so yeah, I'm happy I came to this conclusion! :'D I'm going to swim tomorrow, and the day after that, I'm going to run and exercise. and then repeat everyday. I'm not gonna watch that much over how I eat, but just let it come, and stop eating when I'm not hungry - and NOT purge!
the last 2 weeks have been hell, to say it mildly. all I could think about was "diets", food, exercise and how much I hated my body, because of its gender. but I'm going to fight it - in a good way now!
I'm so sorry I caused so many persons concerns. I love you all, and thanks for being there. <3

on softer notes;
I went to Tivoli with some folks from my residency yesterday! I had a super awesome time. we have free cards to Tivoli, so we are there pretty often, but it was nice anyways. my boyfriend, Jonas, left earlier though, and I missed him.
so Laura, Nanna, Camilla and two of the hired from our residency tried rollercoasters and the like. it was so much fun, and I had a lovely time!

today, I'm going to celebrate Sankt Hans together with my sister, whom I haven't been together alone with in ages. I'm looking forward to it like a maniac! it's awesomesauce. <3
I have some booze, and I plan on getting a bit drunk together with her.

oh, and I'm going to London in a week from now! I CANNOT WAIT!!! AAAAARRRRRGHHH~ it's together with Emilia, and I can't describe how excited I am. we're just going to take a motherfucking bunch of pictures, drink lattes, and see different awesome places. and... we're going to see Vivienne Westwood's official store!!! <3 <3 <3
as you probably can see, I AM EXCITED.

but I'll update tomorrow or the day after, because I got to go now. take care babies. <3