and I just sing, doo doo doo. now we're in love.

so here's a picture of my boy and I, together. <3 if you're reading this - I LOVE YOU!
he has been with me, seen the worst sides of me, accepted me when I did not want to be touched at all because of social angst, when I've cried to The Land Before Time, when I've been angry, when I've been upset, and most of all; when I've felt full of love and laughed. he has supported me in everything, and listened to me and talked things through with me. he has seen me at my worst, when I dressed up as a girl one day, and broke down completely. he soothed me, and he even started crying when he saw how fucked up I felt. he tugs at my heart in a manner I cannot describe.. but it feels good, and I simply adore him. I feel high on love, because of him. I wouldn't have gotten out of this, if it weren't for him. he lifts up my everyday, and I can't thank him enough for that. of course, some part of me is also kicking me out of the feathers, but he has certainly helped. Jonas, I do love you, and I'm sorry I've been such a drag lately. <3 forgive, pl0xy, pl0x? elskemis.

so I'm sitting at my mum's place at 4 AM, and I'm in such a great mood, that I can't sleep. I don't know if it's good or bad. but I feel happy!
tomorrow, I'm going swimming, and that, I'm looking forward to. I didn't exercise today, because I didn't have time for it. so it'll be nice to burn off some energy... I can't wait to bulk up and see muscles underneath my skin. it's going to be awesome. especially my shoulders, arms and stomach, I'm looking forward to. when I'm going to bed, I'm going to do some extra crunches. that'd be good.

and then, before going swimming, I'm going to ask my sister if she can help me with a photoshoot. I'm going to be a robot, haha. :'D I hope it's gonna be nice. I'm not really skilled with makeup anymore, so she's probably gonna do it for me. it's just some sort of face-paint, where I'm going to look mechanical and jazz like that. :] OSSUM!

I'm happy.

I made an entry on my old blog on Livejournal, and it was nice to write with people I haven't written with in a year. I wrote about my coming out-stuff, and how life is nowadays. it was pleasant. :]

so I don't remember if I wrote about it earlier, but I'm currently thinking about saving up some monies for a natural testosteron booster called Tribulus, before I start on T. just to make all sure that this is what I want, though I'm completely sure that it's what I want and where my life is headed at. I don't feel comfortable in my body, and I can't relate to it at all - I feel awkward when looking at it, knowing that this is reality. I don't feel like it's mine when I look at it, that it should have been a male body that I should see. I simply don't get it.
I feel like a boy in my head, and have done that for years. it just took me a while to figure that out. it wasn't always I did that, but I identified instead as something inbetween genders - which I still do, occasionally, but I indentify as a male at the same time.

but well well, I'm heading off to bed now - I hope you all are having a wonderful sleep. <3