I feel her smooth skin slightly brush against the backside of my arm.

I think I've started to get a crush. idk yet. I felt it when I was with the person the last time, but she's really amazing and outstanding. and she's gorgeous and I get this amazing feeling in my belly when I think of her. it's really stupid, though. and confusing. 'cause I don't want to mess up things, you know? and the worst part is... we would be so fucking amazing together. and... I would be so good to her. I'd drop anything to be with her. but I'm so afraid of fucking things up..

andddd....these days are wonderful and I have a lot to tell! I don't even know where to begin, haha.
I'm enjoying the weather to the fullest, it's almost summerlike by now, with hot temperatures and lots of sunshine and not a single cloud on the sky. I'm enjoying it with all of my friends, and I'm to be honest, having a blast.

last Wednesday, Emilia and I threw a party at my mum's apartment, and I would pretty much say it succeeded. I had such an awesome time. it was a birthday/moustache party, which meant everyone was entitled to having a moustache. it was fricking awesome. it was a rather small party, I think we were about 15 persons, but we both didn't want the party to be big, Emilia and I. bought a lot of booze, and made moustache cake and pineapple pieces shaped like moustaches. hahahahaha. it was pretty nice. then the guests arrived, and they all looked fabulous. jonas, omg. he looked exactly like freddie mercury. lawlz0r. then we got our booze on, and danced and talked all night. listened to a lot of random crap, like Benny Lava, Omnomnom song, smurf's hits, and a hella lot of great music too. then the guests left, and Jonas, Askur and I partied on. then askur fell asleep, and Jonas and I kept drinking until morning. when the sun started to rise, we went for an hour and a half long walk, where we just talked and had a good time. lol'd over random things. got back, and took our pants off, hahahahahah. don't even ask..

then a few days ago, Laura, Jonas, Askur, David and I went to Søndermarken (where, lately, I've been spending all my evenings) while wearing nightwear. Askur wore my kigurumi, hahahahahah. he got so many creepy stares! but we had much fun. drank some booze and got wasted, like I did pretty much everyday during last week. went home and played singstar.

the day before yesterday, I hung out with my lovely friend Emilia, she's so fucking incredible and I have a blast whenever I'm with her. love her to pieces. we pretty much just chilled and had a great time in the sun, laughing at random things and being silly. went for looooong walks in the park, and went to her place, to get some monies so we could eat - oh yeah, dats right - SUSHI! hahahah. it's so good. but I had an amazing day, she's amazing and I will do anything for her when she's down. she's so cute. I LOVE YOU!

then yesterday, I went to Tivoli with Laura and Jonas, and ate ice cream/churros. then this really (no offense, but yeah) ugly toddler ran by us, and we laughed for like... 5 minutes. I had a lovely night. <3

today, I went to Strøget with Jonas and shopped. got some new shoes, socks, a computer bag, a pair of 3/4 shorts, and a tanktop. spent 4 hours there. oh, and the bag is Adidas! like omg. hahaha. fucking love adidas.
got home, and played frisbee and football in the garden and wrestled. <3

all the other days spent during the easter vacation has been spent on drinking with my friends. been to the kings garden a few times, and of course, like.. pretty much everyday; Søndermarken. I don't really remember anything else..

my legs are dangling off the edge, a stomach full of pills didn't work again, I'll put a bullet in my head, and I'm gone.

I've removed my cheek piercings... sadly. I fucking hate it. and I have these really ugly-ass scars now, because I should have taken them out a long time ago, when they started fucking up.. which they to do started a few months ago. but it was for the better, that I took them out. they had started to move down my cheeks, so I had started to get red marks from them. and they hurt and was swollen. so it was probably for the better.
but I feel like some part of me is missing, because I've removed them. it sucks ('cuz they play some of my favorite songs, like, stab my heart because I love you, and rip apart my soul, and of course; STABBY RIP STAB STAB. hahahhhaha).
instead, I'm thinking about angelbites. but it's just that.. everybody around me say it won't look good on me. but I want them so fucking bad. I can always take them out, if they don't look good. they're one of my favorite piercings, together with butterfly piercings, and septum.

today, I woke up, and felt really bad, physically. I've been sick since Sunday. but my contact person forced me to get up, and go to my japanese lessons, even though I was really sick.. so on the way, I got really down and stressed, and felt so sick. so we decided it was for the better, that I got home. danx gawd.

then I've pretty much just hung out with Askur, Jonas and Frederik. looked at some semi-porn magazines, and smoked some fags. oh, and I gave Askur a boner, because I licked his finger. it was pretty lawlz-worthy.

I've been thinking a lot lately.. spent my nights doing so. I want to get tattooed soon, most likely on my birthday. I want to get "bird little bird" written on my right arm, together with a little black bird, and then "you have no freedom" on the left arm, and a little feather. I've been thinking about this tattoo for a while. and right at the moment, I can't get it out of my head. also, because I can relate to it in a lot of different ways.
I'll never be able to accept myself, my gender, and my past. I'm bound to it, and I can't run away from it. so yeah...

lately, all I'm listening to is Hollywood Undead's song, "Bullet". it's pretty genius. it's a pretty happy-sounding song, but the lyrics are so.. emo. hahahah. but it's really brilliant, it is.

so if I survive, well then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow.

det brænder under huden, hvem kysser dig nu?

so these days have been awesome, really. but I've sprained my toe, because I've been drunk and wrestled with loop.. but I'll tell you more about that later, in this entry.

last Friday, I went drinking with Emma and Andreas, her boyfriend. it was so nice! we went to Floss, this underground bar. drank 3-4 shots each, and a lot of beers and sommersby. then we went to Cozy, a gay bar, even though they both claim to be straight. Emma puked on Floss, and we left after that, pretty much. but they're both so nice! I had a really great time. and the drink at Cozy's was pretty badass, with the alcohol procent, so... yeah. ended up pretty drunk. hahaha. it was niiiiice.
then Saturday, I picked up Yasmin at the central station, and chilled with her at my residency together with my roommates. sorry if I mispell anything, I'm still drunk.. I'll explain that later.
but went to CC/Club Cristopher this Saturday, together with Michelle, Yasmin, Jonas, Nanna and Yasmin's two friends. it was nice in the start, and we drank some drinks and just talked and stuff. Nanna and I had a deal to freak out people with telling them telling them that we had fucked (which we hadn't), but we didn't get to say it to them, because of some drama that came up..
you see. I kissed a girl in the club, and one of my friends freaked completely out, because she was jealous. she even started crying, which was really bad. and Jonas got alchohol poisoned, so we had to call an ambulance, since he was too wasted for us to deal with. and on the same time, one of my friends couldn't sense her leg.. so I was freaking out, getting all stressed and shit. it was horrible, looking after 3 persons at a time. and that fucking ambulance wouldn't take jonas with them! apparently, they don't take alcohol poisoned people with them anymore. I got so fucking pissed. so we took a cab home, even though it took a while for it to get there, and I owe my residency a lot of money now,... sucks, man, sucks.
there was a lot of drama, including Jonas burning his hand on purpose with a cigarette, resulting in Nanna leaving. it was horrible. so much drama in one night.

wednesday, we celebrated little Thursday (ahahhahahahahaha) at Søndermarken, a park near our residency. we had beer, vodka, små blå, and whiskey, so we got pretty wasted. I wrestled with Loop/Frederik, and I sprained my toe by running directly into his knee.. it looks so gross by now, all blue, and ew. but it was a hella fun! we played "I have never...." and I had a lot of shit on Emma, so we laughed a lot. I just remember laying in the grass, being all whiny and "AAAAARGH MY TOES HURT!!one", hahahhaha. oh yeah, and I gave Jonas a massive erection at one point, AHAAHAHHAHAAAH.

and today, I went drinking again, together with Askur, Emma, Andreas, Jonas, Loop, and Nanna. it was fuuuuun. I'm still a bit drunk. but it's almost 6 AM, so I'm considering going to bed... we just sat there and talked for a few hours, while getting drunk.
then we got home, and I puked all over my floor, after they left me. it was so gross, but I've cleaned it all up. but I was really drunk.
then Jonas, that sweet boy, came down again, and we had some serious talk, about my gender identity, and how it is like to be me. it was nice. I feel like we get closer to each other each day.
we got on a lot of touchy subjects.. I'm surprised I didn't cry at all.

but Askur and him tugged me in, while listening to Britney Spears, so I couldn't be happier. <3 I fucking love life, from time to time.

how come I'm drunk all the time, recently?